The Sexual Escapades of Alfred F Jones
by blahblahyourmom
Summary: The romantic, humorous, and dramatic life of Alfred F. Jones as he navigates from high school into college and the real world. There will be a Russian in his future. Yup. M: For swears, boyonboy sex, dubious consent, blowjobs, and other lovely things.
1. Prologue

Alfred stopped being friends with Arthur when they were in the third grade. It was April and Alfred was counting the days down till school was let out for the summer. Thinking back, it had been a stupid reason that they ended three long years of adventure and good times. Neither of them would admit it until they were much much older, however.

But, the story being told is not about Alfred and Arthur or AlfredandArthur.

Okay maybe that's a lie. They are never AlfredandArthur as in ALFREDANDARTHUR: THE EPIC LOVE STORY but ALFREDANDARTHUR: I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS AND VICE VERSA.

They hate each other, if you ask them. Just ask Francis for true clarification. Francis knows a lot about everyone mentioned in the story.

The story is about the ending of their friendship and how it sparked something else. Well maybe not just one thing but a whole bunch of other things too. It's hard to tell if they're friends or not anyway. As said before, just ask Francis.

* * *

><p>AN: So. This is the first story I've written in a couple of years and my first fic ever for Hetalia.

The next update will take awhile to write, so I'll push for once or twice a week updates depending on how far I get. Even less when I start college at the end of August. Actually, I don't even know how long this will be. The next chapter, however, goes from the time that Alfred and Arthur stopped being friends during third grade to sophomore and junior year of high school.

If anyone wants to beta for me, just shoot me a message! If I don't get back to you, that means I probably found one, sorry.

Concrit is welcome too!


	2. Chapter 1

Arthur calling Captain America a 'bloody git in tights' was the last straw for Alfred.

Full 8 year old fury was put into one punch to the other boy's nose. Within moments they were rolling around on the ground kicking and punching in the middle of a crowd of students cheering them on.

It took four teachers to pull them apart and two more to herd the rest of the spectators off.

Alfred was given a week of suspension. Arthur, two days.

When he came back to school the black eye he proudly sported was still there, not as prominent as it had been the first few days, but still there. Alfred felt like a war hero despite being ground for a whole month from his comic books and Nintendo. The comic books weren't so bad because Kiku snuck them to him during recess, but having to sit and watch his twin brother Mattie fail at getting through the first round of Donkey Kong was pure torture.

Torture with a capital 'T'.

He spent the next couple of weeks at recess wandering aimlessly and pointedly not looking at Arthur (who'd seemed to recover quickly and had glided over to Toris, Toris's weird friend Feliks, and Heracles). Occasionally Alfred would join Kiku and try to sit still for the next twenty minutes and read comic books or manga with him. Over time, it grew easier to sit still and Kiku even started teaching him how to draw.

This led to hanging out at one another's house every other weekend and pretty soon they decided they were best friends.

Good thing they'd lived down the block from each other for practically their whole lives (even though their dads often clashed because Alfred's dad was kind of loud and boisterous like Alfred often was). Their mothers bonded over gardening and Mattie often hung out with Alfred and Kiku on occasion when he wasn't busy with Rafael (who hated Alfred and vice versa).

And so the years passed.

They all grew up. Graduated grammar school and moved onto high school. Alfred was into sports, yet couldn't help liking art. He tried everything, before settling with tennis. It was fun! And great with getting stress out of the way.

Alfred was even good at drawing and sculpting and painting, to his (and Matt's and their parents) surprise. They were even more surprised when he announced he was going to apply to art school with Kiku. A bigger surprise was Matt announcing he was going to join the Marines after high school. Even Kiku was shocked at that.

He liked drawing comic books the best. So did Kiku. All through high school they worked on a little comic project together that was actually pretty awesome. The only person that didn't like it was Arthur but Alfred claimed it was only because Arthur hated him.

Alfred hated him back too. Especially when Arthur had come back from living in England during their 8th grade year with a stupid accent. Alfred cited it as the cause of a few of their many fights.

Oh yes. They still fought to the amusement of their peers.

They had weekly brawls that they tried to keep off of school grounds up until sophomore year of high school. That year, around Thanksgiving, Arthur had gone over to the Jones residence when Matt was at hockey practice and Mr. and Mrs. Jones were out of state visiting a sick, ailing relative. Alfred hadn't even iinvited/i the fake limey bastard.

"The fuck are you doing in my house?" Was his way of greeting his former best friend, not even looking up from his video game. Though it was more "Thmf fumfck ahrewe yew dowumfingd und meumf huff?" because Alfred had his mouth full of burger.

Arthur had just sneered at him and launched into one of his usual tirades about Alfred's eating habits. "Seriously, you're going to end up obese and with heart problems in the end…"

Offering a quick prayer to the fast food gods, Alfred threw the rest of the burger him which caused the other boy to dive out of the way with a high pitched shriek.

"What was that for, you bloody git?" Arthur demanded, his voice high pitched. "Because you're a uptight bastard, dude," Alfred replied coolly, too immersed in his video game. "And your voice is annoying," He added, rolling his eyes.

Arthur stood there seething, fists clenched. Had he been a cartoon character his face would have been boiling with rage.

"You….You…" He choked out as he took short halting steps towards Alfred, getting in the way of him and the TV.

"Fuck! Dude!" Alfred yelped, trying to see around him. "The fuck are you doing?"

Arthur turned the TV off despite Alfred's protests before stepping closer to the other boy. He took the video game controller and threw it to the side. In a flash he pulled Alfred up by the front of his shirt.

"You…You don't…" Arthur said haltingly before crashing his lips against Alfred's. The taller boy resisted, trying to shove his former friend off for a good few long moments before he gave in.

"This doesn't change anything," He murmured as he pulled Arthur down onto the couch, hands roaming down to the other boy's waist. It was amusing to him that Arthur had ended up smaller than he. Amusing, indeed.

"Like hell it doesn't," Arthur snarled back, digging his nails into Alfred's back. He scratched, neither gently nor harshly. "I want to fuck you."

Alfred snorted as he shook his head. "Fuck no. If anyone was going to be doing that it would be me," He vehemently insisted despite that he sounded a bit uncertain.

Sex, surprisingly enough, was something that rarely crossed his mind. He had the occasional wet dream, of course, but aside from that he barely thought about it. Or if it came up in any of his video games or comic books.

"I. Will. Fuck. You," Arthur simply growled, digging his fingers into Alfred's arms. The taller boy yelped out a bit from the pain. Arthur just grinned as he slipped a hand up Alfred's shirt and-

There was a knock on the door. Alfred shoved Arthur away as he sprang up to go and answer it.

"Not so fast," Arthur said, grabbing the other boy's arm. (What the hell? How the fuck was he so strong?) "Leave it. It's probably a delivery person."

There was another knock. "It could be someone wanting to visit my mom," Alfred whined, slapping the hand going up his shirt away. Arthur scowled before yielding and slumping back onto the couch.

Alfred answered the door. Like Arthur had predicted, it was a delivery man. Alfred signed for the package, Matt's special maple syrup from Canada probably, and tossed the package to the side after closing the door.

"See?" Arthur smugly grinned when Alfred was seated next to him again. The grin was wiped off of his face with a punch to the jaw.

The punch led to Arthur tackling Alfred off the couch. The tackling led to fighting which led to the two former friends drying humping each other until they each came into their pants.

Arthur was the first to react. "You git! Look what you made me do!" He made a face as he looked down at his pants. "It's what you wanted, didn't you?" Alfred innocently replied as he shoved the other off of him and stood up. Euck.

Arthur left after they cleaned themselves up. Alfred spent the rest of the day playing his video games until Matthew came home. Their parents returned home a couple hours later, arguing of course, thus the twins retreated to their bedrooms.

Alfred dozed off as he read a book for English with his Ipod blaring. He didn't know how much time had passed until vibrations signaling a text on his cell phone jolted him from that state and he fumbled to pull it out and check to see whom the text was from. He frowned for he didn't recognize the number.

'_Oi.' _

Ah, Arthur.

'_What.'_ Alfred yawned as he texted back, sitting up and glancing at his alarm clock. 9:30. Dayum.

'_How about we hang around my place tomorrow? My parents will be out.' _

'_No. Fuck off.' _ Alfred turned his phone off and set it on his nightstand before attempting to read the book again.

He didn't answer Arthur's texts for the rest of the weekend, only bothering to look at one to put his number into his phone. The text was filled with a string of expletives anyway.

* * *

><p>Monday it rained. Alfred got detention for sleeping during class. (He couldn't sleep the night before on account of thinking about what he and Arthur had done Friday afternoon. Did it mean he was gay? Not that he had a problem with being gay at all.)<p>

Tuesday it rained. (Still thought about it. Sucked not being able to ask Matt his opinion.)

Wednesday it rained. (Only thought about it for two hours. Drew a comic about it and then burned said comic.)

Thursday was finally nice but cold. The weatherman predicted snow over the weekend.

Arthur cornered Alfred after school in the locker room. Everybody else had already left. "You haven't answered my texts," Arthur scolded, hands on Alfred's shoulders. "It's very rude of you, Jones."

Alfred just snorted. "So what?" He replied.

"Alfred. Just listen to me for once, okay?"

"Why should I…"

"Because what I'm offering you is beneficial for the both of us."

Alfred gave Arthur a look that clearly said _i'Go on'/i_.

"Last Friday…at your place…when we, you know…It felt good didn't it?" Arthur wet his lips, staring at Alfred's Adam's apple as the other swallowed thickly.

"It did," Alfred finally admitted.

Arthur grinned. "I knew you didn't like it, old chum. Now…imagine if we could achieve that feeling again? But this time, naked maybe."

Alfred sucked in a breath as a mental image of a naked Arthur flashed in his mind. "Sex?" Was all he could manage out.

The shorter boy shrugged. "Maybe. Eventually. This is strictly a friends with benefits type of thing, mind you."

Alfred nodded. "Of course," He agreed, poking Arthur in the chest. "You breathe a word of this to anyone and I'll whoop your ass into the next millennium, Kirkland."

Arthur just grinned devilishly. "The same, Jones."

* * *

><p>AN: R & R please? :] I know I said I'd update once a week but mehhhhh, sometimes I'm too lazy to write.


	3. Chapter 2

Alfred thought over the locker room discussion that night as he lay awake staring at his ceiling. And because of it all he couldn't sleep. What didn't help was that it was nearing two in the morning. On a school night. Just his luck.

With a groan Alfred rolled over with a sigh, burrowing his face into his Captain America sheeted pillow. Mmm, Captain America. Alfred wouldn't mind having i him/i for a fuck buddy. He totally wouldn't mind being the one getting fucked in that sort of situation. Hell, he'd let Cap do whatever the hell he wanted with him.

The whole idea made him excited. In under five minutes Alfred had three fingers in his ass and a hand around his dick. He pushed his fingers in and out of himself as he stroked, face buried into his pillow to muffle his moans. Being a teenage boy he came quickly, biting down into his pillow to silence himself. Alfred lay there for a few moments panting to regain his composure before he slid out of bed to change his sheets….and clean himself up too. The clock ticked to 2:30 by the time he was finished. By 2:45, he was asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning at school Arthur passed him a note during their Physics class.<p>

_'My house. 5 pm. Parents will be out at some stupid gala thing.'_

Arthur's parents were never around. As they would discover over the next few months, heck, over the next few weeks this would be to their advantage. Alfred's mother just thought they were friends again.

* * *

><p>Arthur pressed Alfred into sex within a week of their 'special relationship.'<p>

He would have liked to wait a bit longer before delving into having sex too, but Arthur threatened to out them both to the whole school. Which scared Alfred a bit.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of the fact that he perhaps liked guys instead of girls. (For the record, he wasn't. He had a whole list of reasons why that only Kiku and Matt were allowed to see.) It was just…he was scared of what his parents would say. How his classmates and teachers would react. Arthur knew this so well and exploited it. Exploited and used it to top Alfred every single goddamn time (read: nearly every day) they had sex

In the end, for a good many years, Alfred would regret the relationship he had agreed to with Arthur. It wouldn't be until he was much older that he would realize how it helped him mature and prepare himself for the real world in a way.

But in the present, Alfred hid being miserable. He went to school. He hung out with Kiku and drew comics. He did his homework. He let Arthur fuck him as many times as he wanted.

For a year, it was all the same pattern. Until the beginning of senior year towards homecoming season. That was when shit hit the fan.

* * *

><p>Arthur was on the school's soccer team that year. He was shorter than Alfred he was stronger and had muscle where Alfred had a bit of chub. He'd grown less awkward and obnoxious and had taken on suave gentlemanly airs in front of the ladies. With Alfred, however, he relapsed into the ass he always had been.<p>

They had P.E. last period together most days that year, to Arthur's delight and Alfred's disappointment. The former would always try and get the latter to stay later after school for locker room shower sex, but Alfred would always skip washing and head straight home those days on purpose. Even if it meant Arthur would fuck him with little lube the next time. One day, Alfred didn't get away easily enough.

That day would be forever burned in his memory.

Arthur had been ignoring him for odd reasons for the whole week before. Alfred was slightly befuddled by the cold shoulder he was getting and tried to confront the other boy a few times only to be roughly shoved aside. Arthur wasn't even bugging him constantly over text messages for sex or some other kind of kinky shit. As the days wore on and passed, Alfred had himself believing that he missed Arthur and their 'relationship.' One Friday, after P.E. he managed to corner Arthur before they all went out to the field.

"Look, we need to talk after class," He said, trying to sound strong but ending up staring at his feet instead. "You're being an ass and I want to know why." 'Being an ass' wasn't the right terminology to use at the moment, but whatever.

"Oh?" Arthur rose his thick eyebrows as if he were surprised. "About what?"

Alfred wanted to punch him so badly at that moment, but one of Arthur's stupid teammates stuck his head in and yelled at them that the teacher was pissy and they would run five more laps if they didn't get their asses out to the field right that moment.

"You better be there," Alfred told Arthur before turning and doing his awkward jog out to the field. He spent the whole period walking around the track, silently thanking God over and over in his head that walking around the track instead of participating was an option. When the period (and school) was over he shuffled along with the rest of his class back into the locker room. He didn't need to shower and thus just fussed around the inside of his locker. When he thought everyone except Arthur had gone, he stood up and made his way to Arthur's locker on the other side of the row. No one was there.

"Arthur?" He called. No response.

Rolling his eyes his headed into the bathroom, expecting to find Arthur in there wanting to coerce him into making up for the week of no sexual activities.

What he did find should of came to no surprise at all for him.

* * *

><p>Alfred remembered walking into the showers expecting to find Arthur. <em>Alone.<em>

He didn't expect to walk in and find Arthur and the few teammates in their P.E. class to be standing there with devious grins and, _oh dear Lord_, hard raging cocks.

His mouth dropped open and he stepped back. It took him a few moments to find his voice. "C-Chirst, Kirkland. I didn't know the soccer team was gay."

The grins turned to angry sneers and before Alfred could react, two had surged forward and grabbed him. One pinned a hand over his mouth and an arm over his chest while the other set to stripping Alfred. Oh, he fought back. When he'd been stripped the hand moved from his mouth he made to yell out, but Arthur silenced him by sticking a washcloth in his mouth. "They're going to keep your secret, Al," He grinned as the third guy helped wrestle Alfred to his knees. "In exchange for you giving them what they want."

Alfred was secretly hoping this was all some sick joke, but shit! He may have hated Arthur and the other three more than anything at the moment but inside deep down he had to admit to himself that they were pretty good looking. One of the other guys, a curly blonde Adonis (oh God why why why did he think these things), stepped in and pressed his cock to Alfred's lips. Reluctantly, Alfred took him in. The guy clearly had never been blown before (or maybe Alfred liked to think that he was just so great at blowjobs) because he pretty much rammed the back of Alfred's mouth, causing him to choke. Having experienced this a few times before (once again, read: because of the times Arthur had gone on vacation for two or more weeks and illness), he easily recovered and started bobbing his head back and forth.

Arthur was smirking the whole while as one of the other two, a brunette stud with amazing pecs, was slicking up with soap. Arthur helped to situate Alfred so he could still suck the curly blonde off. Alfred himself barely paid mind until he felt dick pocking his asshole. Eyes widening, he made a noise that made the curly blonde groan and come. Pft. Amateur. Alfred spit the cum out and cried out softly as the brunette pushed into him. The cry was muffled by the third guy, a red head, shoving into his mouth. He was getting into it now, hard like the rest of them. But the brunette had his arms held behind his back.

"Christ, Artie," The curly blonde said as he and Arthur watched Alfred being fucked on both ends. "You were right."

"I _always_ am right," Arthur replied with a snarky grin as he watched Alfred being shoved onto his hands and knees.

For a half hour or more, God knows how long-Alfred didn't even know, the four alternated between fucking Alfred or being blown by him until they were well spent. Except for Arthur that is. He managed to contain himself as they dressed and when he offered to drive Alfred home.

Alfred wouldn't look at or speak him the whole ride home. Arthur took the time to enjoy the silence.

He pulled into his own driveway despite having offered to take Alfred home. "You're a slut, you know that Jones?" He said, breaking the silence.

To his surprise, Alfred nodded. Was that a tear? Or a trick of the light. Arthur would never know. Nor would he ever care. He got of the car and started up to the front door. Alfred followed after a few moments.

* * *

><p>The following Monday Arthur received another surprise.<p>

A surprise in the form of Alfred making the biggest announcement of their high school career.

He'd been busy laughing and jostling around with his teammates amidst the usual bustle and noise of the cafeteria. And then, it happened.

"My name, as many of you know, is Alfred F. Jones." Alfred stood on a table despite being hissed at by the lunch aides. "Occasional punching bag, resident geek and nerd-" That earned quite a few laughs and snorts. "And I'd like to let you all know that I am gay and proud of it." He was grinning. The whole cafeteria just stared. "And, I'd also like to inform you all that over there at that table full of mindless idiot." He pointed directly at Arthur. "Sits four of our fellow peers who I let fuck me senseless the other day. The ringleader of them is dear Artie Kirkland."

Arthur felt his cheeks heat up. His teammates looked livid.

"Also, try to pull a hate crime and my dad, a STATE TROOPER, will personally handle the matter."

With a grin Alfred sat down. Kiku gave him one of his rare smiles of approval. Matt just facepalmed. Rafael stated that he wasn't surprised and congratulated Alfred in a rare act of kindness. Five minutes later they were bickering again.

* * *

><p>After that, Alfred and Arthur didn't talk at all. They made a point of ignoring each other pointedly. Teachers made it a habit of not assigning them to work together either.<p>

The year went on. SATs were taken. College applications sent in. Kiku on his way to becoming class valedictorian.

Winter passed into spring.

Alfred was accepted to every college he applied to. He settled on a college in New York City where he could study the wonders of the comic book arts. Kiku decided to go to the same school for computer art.

They graduated. Matt left for training. Alfred worked at a comic book store over the summer. In his spare time, he and Kiku made and read comics and manga or played video games. Or he wrote to Matt, bitching about everything from there being no guys of his type in town to their mother constantly borrowing his car after wrecking hers when Alfred informed her that he was gay.

It was a good summer. Alfred saw Arthur twice, but ignored him. The second time, Arthur had seemed like he was going to approach Alfred by loitering in front of the comic book store Alfred worked at. But in the end he had left. Alfred didn't care.

The end of the summer approached. Alfred and Kiku would be rooming together at school and picked their things to color coordinate. Matt affectionately called them the biggest dorks in the universe.

Alfred happily agreed.

* * *

><p>Alfred and Kiku moved into college towards the end of August. Mrs. Jones sniffled when it was time for her and Alfred's father to head home and had to be dragged from the premises by Mr. Jones. Alfred rolled his eyes after her.<p>

That night he topped a guy for the first time. And then got into a fight with said guy's boyfriend.

* * *

><p>AN: As one delightful reviewer put it: 'Update.' Yes I know. I suck at life. I just moved into college so...it could possibly be awhile till the next update. Enjoy this one for now! ;]

R&R


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